Run away from Reality.

Relationship.

2009-05-21T10:00:00.000-07:00

I have never believed in 姐弟恋 cause I've been in one before and I know it will never bear any fruits.

I'm starting to wonder how about same age relationship? Guys have to go through 2 years of army and during these 2 years, woman have almost finished their degree and perhaps are already holding on to a job. Now, guys come out, looking for school to complete their degree while women are perhaps struggling with their work. Will they have to start worrying if their guys are behaving well in school since their social network is different now?

I'm beginning to worry. Woman think of marriage much earlier than man. Woman has a lot of concerns but not man. The thought of all these are scary. In fact horrible. Can love be the only thing when 2 person are together? Can love survive everything? The current me don't think so. Love cannot last long. Perhaps for some couples, they can still be loving doving after 4,5 years of relationship but mine is no longer like that. We are like old couples except that we are not living together only. AHHHHHHHH!!! The thought that I'm older than him just scares me.

It has always been a thought that I don't like.
I hate people saying I'm like his elder sister.
I hate looking older than him.
I hate having more matured thoughts than him.
I hate it when I have to step into the working society earlier than him.
I hate the thought of seeing him in school again.

But, ultimately, I hate myself more because I have no confidence for this kind of relationship.

I hate being old. Even though I'm just 21, I still hate it a lot.
I hate people saying I'm much older.
I really hate the word OLD.

I... don't know what to say anymore. 4 years plus and I'm still having these thoughts. What kind of relationship have I been into all along?

Crap friends

2009-03-19T06:03:00.000-07:00

I'm always proud to say, my temper was always good and under control. I don't flare up normally and I'm always the peacemaker when friends are angry with each other. So, this good temper since to have become a weakness for me. People now starts to take it for granted and has been trying to test the limit of it.

In my life, I thought I've got good friends. But lately, it seems that they have become crap friends. It's not just one but it is increasing even when I've gotten new friends. Don't put me pigeon when you are not sure if you have a date or not. I put away dates to go out but in the end what have I gotten? Don't promise to go out and suddenly tell me you can't make it anymore. Put yourself into that person shoe and think how you will feel if something as such happened. I can tolerate if it's just once or twice but if it happens repeatedly for 10 or more times, how can I trust a friend like that? It just makes me think that whenever I want to date me friend, I would still try not to in case I get put pigeon again. Even bf also say:' See, you will get put pigeon again lahx this time round. Everytime also like that one. haha!' This feeling is like shit man.

Maintaining a friendship. Hah. So contradicting. I tried my every best to maintain but it takes 2 hands to clap. Perhaps I need to change a new group of friends? But will it be that easy to change? Don't make your words empty too. 'Lets meet up soon!' is what I'll always see and hear but never is the action done. To plan and organise everything, do you know how tiring it can be? To get rejected or a sudden of being put pigeon, do you know how disappointing and hurtful it can get?

Disappointed. Pissed. Hurt. Angry. Gave up. Yeah, some of the feelings I've been feeling when its related to friendships. Shit.

It's good I never scolded the f*** cause my temper has susided by now. Thanks to my GOOD temper in nature -.-

Ciao.

Another life went away

2009-03-09T08:51:00.000-07:00

Today marks the death anniversary for my baby hamster.

1 after another and this hamster was 1 of them whom I dote the most. The most active one yet the most sudden death. I just hope she rest in peace and may god bless her in her next life.

Thank god papa is still around.

Ciao.

Death

2009-02-27T10:40:00.001-08:00

My mama hamster just died. It died peacefully in a sleeping position with her eyes closed but..

I'm still trying to come to term with it.

Ciao.

Happy Birthday!

2009-02-26T04:36:00.000-08:00

Hello Blog!

Time flies! It's been nearly 2 months since I last blogged. Been really lazy and I was really really very busy with Chingay during Jan and busy with their closing of accounts during feb.

Chingay was really fun. A lot of unexpected things happened and it helped me made quite a few new friends. hahx. I'm not a cam-whore person so I don't have much pics to upload except those that they tag me in Facebook. hahx! I've learnt a lot throughout the whole process and it made me realise, events is not easy. Many things can happen beyond your control and emotion situation might be involve too. Learnt how to manage it and its really interesting to how someone changed during the event and after the event. Amazing.

I'm continuing to work here till end of June for their annual Soundwave's concert which is another fun thing to work for. Started school today and everything was pretty ok. Classmates still remembers me, I wasn't that bored blah blah blah.. hahx.

Bf is coming out this sat. Anticipating it as its been a long time since we really spent our weekends going out and walk around. I miss him and this feeling has never changed for 4 years. hahx.

My 21st birthday was held last week at downtown east chalet. It's a fun one but definitely the last one cause its too tiring. From preparing to serving to entertaining the different groups of friends, it feels damn cool that I actually have so much friends coming over to my party. I thought to myself, if there are 10 of them coming over I should be more than happy as I feel that I'm not that 'big' enough to gather so many people for my party. It turn out that around 30 people came and the presents I've received, I'm really super duper happy lahx. It feels as if they can read my mind. I wanted to buy Coach items long ago as I feel this is the only brand that if I save for a few months, I might be able to afford to buy the smallest item. hahx. Then comes the MP3 player. Cool colleagues! My darling gave me a Guess? watch which I'm really in love with! Your taste has improved! My 9 year old best friend gave me the complete set of mini absolute volka, COOL GIRL! hahx.

I also received lacoste tote bag, 4 different brands body wash, one piece Sanji, Piggy bank and cup, necklace and UNDERWEAR!!! hahx. First time in my life I've received a underwear for gifts man. Only me buy for others but now I'm receiving it. Damn cool lahx. hahx.

I really enjoyed myself and really thanks everyone who came! You guys rocks and hope we can all meet up soon as I didn't really have a chance to chat with the different people.

Thanks and I think I shall update till here then!

Ciao.

Total New Entry!

2009-01-01T03:13:00.000-08:00

Hello guys! (If anybody is reading my blog =x)

Happy 2oo9!!!!

Finally, a new year has arrived. Suddenly, I realised 2oo8 is over and super fast! Hahx. 2oo8 has been a wonderful YET 'painful' year. Hahx. Happening Poly 3rd year with F A I R Y T A I L!!!
The process of setting up a business and running to making profit from it and gaining all the different experience that not many o ther people may get to experience. Hahx. After which is achange in my career direction. Events Management! Hahx. Working in PA has been a very very wonderful time. Honestly, this has been the most wonderful, interesting, happening and fun job that I've ever work. The colleagues that I'm working with, the different situation and task given to me. All of these helps me grow and I really really love this place. Lastly, the 'painful' thing would be the 3 times fall in Dec -.- My leg still hasn't recover and yea. I hate Charles and Keith's shoe now -.-

NOW!!! Let's view some of the beautiful fireworks that has happened on the 00:00 of 1st January, 2009!!!

*Pls ignore the date =)

Another year celebrating the New Year with you =) I'm glad that I've you by my side to see each and every fireworks during the different festive season and it has become especially meaningful when it is the New Year firework cause you are the 1st one I see on the oo:oo of 1st Jan of every year. I hope there will be more of such years and lastly, waiting for our 4th year anniversary and I LOVE YOU!!! =) =)

Uncertainty.

2008-11-19T08:04:00.001-08:00

It's been quite long since I've blogged. A lot of things happened. I start to wonder, is my life a dull and boring one or is it an exciting one? I always think that my life is dull and boring. No interesting happenings, circle of friends is not too big and a lot more. But, I seem to have an interesting life with other people. I got many news and happenings of my friends and this make my life seems interesting? I don't know if it make sense too. Hahx.

Last week was a tormenting week. It wasn't good for me and the bf. I hope everything is acknowledged and we are both hoping for the better. The bf did changed and I hope this change will last cause I don't know what will happen the next time I break down again. Hahx. I realised, I don't tell much about my current relationship to others. Whether its gd or bad. Most of the people see us as a loving couple who seems like we will get married real soon. But I'm starting to ponder over this too. No details. All hidden in my heart =)

Work has not been stress free. All these stress causes my headace which is tormenting too. I just realised, I could have break down a lot of times during work. All the stress, low confidence... Yea. I'm so tired. So so tired. I wish I can have a break real soon and just break free from all these stress.

Uncertainty.

Ciao.

Can we live without each other?

2008-11-03T07:20:00.000-08:00

Quarreling days hasn't stopped since the start of his army. Every outing, every small conversation, we can end up quarreling. At one point of time, I really felt tired and did not anticipate the next meet up at all. Tired of quarreling, tired of facing the emotionless face, tired of telling you the same old things over and over again. I really felt so.

Sms you to tell you all these and ask you how. I even ask you do you think I can live w/o you and will you be able to live w/o me. Your answer in sms form always pleased me but never was it when we are talking face-in-face. I always wonder, so is your sms the real answer or your face-to-face the real answer as they always differ from each other. I told you your have changed. You know, I even told myself, you were no longer the you that I know.

Even now as I'm typing, I realised I'm scare of our next outing. Will we end up quarreling again? Will we end up unhappy again? Will we end up in the same old question and answer over and over again? This is the first time I felt this way when I'm with you. Throughout these 4 years, even if we quarrel, we patch things up real fast and I still want to see you if possible, everyday. But why is it that I'm feeling this way now? Is this really how I feel? Or am I just thinking too much? I feel that I'm very contradicting. Actually, throughout these 4 years, whenever we met with any problems, I want to tell all my friends. Just like how I did so in secondary school. But it just seem so difficult now. My heart hurts but nobody knows. I've been giving advice to people but who can actually give advice to me? Even so, how much does it help? I don't know. I love yet I hate.

Just like what you said, can we just turn the time and go back to the past? We were a lot more happier then. It's really tired to live life now. All the burdens, all the frustration, no one can actually help except myself. You know, sometimes, my mind/brain just blank out. I can't see anything except white image. I want to escape. I want to run away from all these realities. I don't want to face them at all.

Just let me escape.

Ciao.

Unwanted.

2008-10-21T09:25:00.000-07:00

So.. The BF is now in the jungle doing his field camp hoping not to see anything spooky... LOL. And I'm here trying to study but.. Unsuccessful. I've decided to defer my next term to 2 years later before I take the 4 modules that I'm supposed to take next term which is like starting in Nov 17. NO BREAK AT ALL -.-

The BF once told me, when there is an opportunity knocking on your door, grab it before thinking about the consequences. I think its true. Many might think that I'm mad, irrational or whatever to give up studies now to work on an event that my surrounding friends might not even know what is it about. But to me, this is the most pleasing job which I want to wholeheartedly work for. I'm studying events now which will get me into the events industry in the near future. The work I'm doing is a big festival/event which I seriously think that it's definitely related to my field of study, the experience I definitely needed and the knowledge I don't get to learn from school or textbook. I really don't want to give it a miss. Chingay might be a unfamiliar festival within the younger age group but I can proudly say, I'm working for a big event which not all people might have the chance to work for. Studies might be important to me, but opportunity can't give a miss too am I right? =)

I still think that doing a deferment for my next term would not harm me much or rather, it might benefit me in a way as I can get to earn more since I'm like a full-time temp staff now. Even though it's a temp staff, the workload/job responsibility is definitely no lesser than full time staff in the company. So for now, I'm gonna concentrate all my energy and focus on my job instead of studies! I'm sure I would not regret it =)

So for now, I'm counting down on the number of days the BF is coming out. 2 more days to go and we can chat on the phone again! I'm off to.. perhaps sleep or watch video then.

Ciao.

Emptiness.

2008-10-19T08:28:00.001-07:00

It was a good week as the bf got house confinement since thursday so I'm able to see him till today! He's going to field camp next tuesday (*pray pray pray!!*) and being uncontactable for 6 days till sunday night.

Torturing.

Suddenly, this emptiness feeling becomes so overwhelming which, the first time I'm feeling it. It really feels empty. Even with all the assurance words and all, its still empty. I don't like this and I hate army real lots. Other countries only require guys (some don't even require -.-) to go in for like less than a year or even lesser? But, why must Singapore's ns be 2 years? It's torturing you know? Maybe I'm too sticky. Cannot blame Singapore too =(

But, it's still enjoyable spending time with him be it at home or outside. Simply happy! I love it! =) And!! The bf is so good this morning. Suppose to buy my Mac BF this morning and told him last night that I'll definitely wake up to buy. But.. Just as he predicted, I overslept -.- But but but!! He bought me my macgriddle and gave me a surprise by coming to my house to have the BF with me! Sweet isn't it? But, the reason ain't so simple of cause. Hahx. He wanna make me happy so that I'll go back home with him to watch his F1 -.- Lolx. But he's cute that he think that he can only watch his F1 after making me happy. Hahx. That's my cute boy =)

Working tomorrow and I'm having my exams in like 2 weeks time? Totally no mood to study. Haix. Let's super hope and pray and whatever that I'll pass just like how I did all the miracle in Poly ba! Nothing much to write. Frustration vent, being loved, etc. I'm happy now =)

Ciao.

Best Friends?

2008-10-17T08:00:00.000-07:00

I thought the bond was important. I thought there's a term call 'best friend'. I always believe maintaining bonds are important. I always thought I can have something like what happens in a drama.

I thought..

These are just 'I thought's. I hate being 'put pigeon'. I think I'm too nice that everyone is sitting on me now. Just like I tell my friend, I don't lose my temper or show my black faces in front of people cause I don't like embarrassment. It's rude to show temper and create an awkward atmosphere. Therefore, only my bf can ever see my temper and my black face cause there's only 2 person and it is easier to mend the atmosphere and all. So, is this a strength of mine or a weakness I need to overcome?

I fear that once a quarrel starts, nothing can mend it back cause the one special thing in a friendship might be lost. Sometimes, I think too much and I worry too much. Is it good to be like this?

I think I learnt that the person you can trust most at points of time is the one that is closest to you at that point of time.

Boyfriend.

I'm beginning to realise why people tell me they don't agree that the term 'best friend' exist and there is no 'best friend' in this world. One of my friend told me this 'I think friendships need to be maintain and I'm always doing my best and wanting to maintain all the friendships I have'. I thought that was true. But again, it's another 'I thought'. I don't know why, as each of the events failed, I starts to lose more and more trust in what is term as 'best friend'. I think that's what people call, 'I gained and I lost'.

I've got so many thoughts and feelings going through me now. But putting them in words doesn't seem appropriate now. I tried to maintain and I dare to say, I did do my best at it. Which of the events are not organized by me? Who is always there whenever troubles or problems occurred? I tried my best to give up times but what have I gained?

In the past, I value friendship more than anything. I always believe I've got true 'best friends' in the whole wide world and I just need them to be there and I'll always be there for them. But, as the years go by, friends start to disappear but new friends appear too. I value old things. But no matter how I value, time changes everything which I can't stop. This made me began to realised that, friends come and go. So I wonder, should I still put my heart into maintaining it since its always leaving me?

It took me 2 years to open my heart for one group of friends. The phobia from the past creates a barrier for me to think that friends cannot be trusted except for few. But, the few began to drift away too because of time, environment, etc. Finally I opened my heart but realised only 1 was truly there. I envy her for she can show her feelings even though friends are around. I wish I could too. Really. But it seems that I'm being labelled 'Miss Nice' that I can't do it. Habit, personality, characters can't change overnight can it? I like her the other point is she's willing to date me out even though we are both busy. The effort that she made makes me happy =)

To whom it might be - I really like you as friends even though we don't often meet up. Your ability to voice out your feelings no matter its good or bad just made me envy you. I hope everything just remain as it is but.. only time knows.

To my BF - Thanks for tolerating me all these whiles since you entered army and I'm really blessed to be with you. 3 years and 9 mths and we are still counting on. It's not long enough but it's not short too. Although I don't have much relationship in the past, but I know you are still the best even though you had your bad points. I know you love me and I really do. I hope everything will remain the same and our love will not diminish no matter what happen. You know I'm always sticky to you so let me stick to you for the rest of my life ok? =) I love you and yes, I really do =)

Ciao.

Alone.

2008-10-12T08:52:00.000-07:00

I think I haven changed. The habit of over thinking.

I think a lot. I think about if bf had other woman outside, we should I do? I kinda face similar situation before so I'm pretty sensitive towards this issues. I know he can't but my over thinking habit just.. yea. I lacked of security too. The lack of meeting all that just leads me to think and think and think. We talked today and I hope I wun react like this again. Really. Most girls might find that having their bfs in army is a good thing cox they can have freedom. But I'm definitely not one of them. To me, its just like having a bf = no bf at all except on weekends. I'm a sticky person I admit. And I dunnoe why, the low self-esteem is getting over me too. I sometimes feel that I'm not worthy of him anymore. My looks, my size, my everything. Just what is happening to me? I wasn't like that in the past was I??

I dunnoe.

People monday blue I ish sunday blue. Some more is super blue. Blue until no motivation to do anything, just lie on bed and do nth. Dun move around also. Wtf is happening to me?? Haix. Is it like what others say, I have fallen too deeply and love him more and more that makes me think that he doesn't love me as much as he did in the past? I'm mad. I hate army. I hate life now. I hate everything. All those what support ar, what happy ar, what not sad are all bullshit. YES. BULLSHIT.

I'm sad every night. I'm ultra sad every Sunday. I'm ultra super sad whenever I think of you. I'm sad again when I think about our future. The tears and all. No one sees it except me. I'm not adapting well at all. I really hate it now. I need your hug so badly that how I wish we can just hug and hold hand the moment I see you. Haix. I've got so much emotions now flowing in me. But.. I dunnoe how to say everything. And it seems like I can't say everything.

I dunnoe.

I'll go back and watch one piece to forget everything.

ILU.

Happy 3 years 10 mths.

Ciao.

Chapapapapa~

2008-10-06T09:09:00.000-07:00

Chapapapapapa~!

A very cute enemy in One piece. Chapapapapa~~ Chapapa. That's its pet line. Hahx. Cute isn't it?

It seems like night time is the worst time of the day for me. Its the emo time, its the think-too-much time, its the time that I don't want to think of and get past it fast. I think my tear glands or pipe is loose and it can just come out anytime it want, without thinking for me. Hahx. Mad.

Madness.

Bye.

Ciao.

I miss.

2008-10-05T03:51:00.000-07:00

I'm supposed to finish up my assignment but here I am blogging cause I can't put any of my heart into doing. I thought not sending you back would be a better choice so that I wun feel any more worst. But, I felt that, not sending you back today makes me more upset. The thought of having lesser and lesser time being spend together just makes my heart aches and it is just making everything more worst. I just don't understand why is it that I'm like the only one feeling this way or is it not only me?

Everytime we meet up, you always look so tired. I know the reason and I know I should be more understanding. But, the feeling just came up and I just can't stop it. You say everything will be over soon and to look forward to the future. But, the moment I think of the different possible units you will be posted to, I really dunnoe if I should look forward to future. I feel so weak as a woman all of a sudden. I think I'm relying too much on you and without you, I can't stand up. I thought I've changed and trained myself to be strong but it seems like you made all my efforts go into drain.

Feelings also seem to change. I think my pessimistic thinking just can't get away from me. I think I just can't get enough of you. I think my feelings for you are growing non-stop. I think I really need you.

I think I really love you.

Ciao.

Run away.

2008-09-28T06:55:00.000-07:00

Finally I saw him. These 3 days were well spent and indeed it was very happy with him by my side. But, the parting part, I just think I still can't handle it well. Why must NS be 2 years? Why must he get into a group that's will have a probability of him being an officer? Why why why??? These separations is already so unbearable and a torture to me. What will become of me if I've to separate with from him for 6 months without seeing each other at all? I super duper pray hard he is lucky enough to escape this irritating officer thing. Haix. I tell him it will be fast but how can I tell myself it will be fast too? Parting is the most shitty thing I'll ever want to experience again -.-

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So, finally he booked out and he looked so different after these 2 weeks. Tanned, more matured and all. No photos cause we are not the cam-whore type. Hahx. Spent these 3 days together and man, finally we can be together again though for only like 2 days to be exact -.- Army is stingy -.- And his family's eating habit is so different from mine causing me to have indigestion after eating like 5 days worth of food if you compare his and my family eating habit -.- So, he's now back in tekong going to suffer from another 11 weeks before having freedom. Tuesday booked out and yea! I can see him again =) Tomorrow work. Haix. Work is becoming more and more hectic. Kinda tired. But anyway, no work = no $$ so... Bo bian. -.- I don't think I've got anything more to update and I really really anticipate Tuesday's evening now =) Take care.

Ciao =)

Happy.

2008-09-19T05:44:00.000-07:00

Hahx. I guess I'll just go straight into the point today. Went Arena yesterday with hui and wend. Had a good talk and its like after so long that the 3 of us meet together again. Hahx. Gd to see you guys again and I'm waiting for my baileys picnic oh xh =)

I can only say free things are just gd to be true. Hahx. It was our first time there as we dun usually club so we did not know exactly whats the gd deal for ladies night yesterday. After we found out, we thought there will be free flow of lychee martini and volka for the night. In the end, we can only get sex on the beach for the whole night and I swear, its like drinking cranberry juice more than drinking volka. Hahx. But anyway, its a gd gathering and I hope more will come in the future =)

Making cap tml for the BF tml who'e coming out next week. Poor him. Hahx. Must jia you and anticipate next Friday! Take care ya? =) That's all. I'm too lazy to upload pics. Too many assignment due within these 3 weeks. Gonna rush them out. Hahx. Take care.

Ciao.

Numb.

2008-09-17T07:57:00.000-07:00

I think I'm getting use to my current life. Pretty enjoying but of cause, I still wish time would go faster so that I can see u faster =)

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Chingay Media Lunch was at Bird Park today so I got a free visit to the Bird Park! Hahx. This job is pretty cool cause can get to go to places that you don't normally go or wun wan to pay the money to go. Hahx. So.. tour around with my colleagues and woo. Bird Park is not bad if its.. free =) Took a lot of pictures and yea, let's take a look =)

These are the flamingoes! We were situated at the lodge beside the Flamingo lake so ta-daa~ Many many flamigoes for us to take pictures. Hahx.

This i-don't-know-what-it-is bird was one of the special appearance during the media conference. It has it's eyes covered up but the hair or whatever on top of its head it so cute lahx! hahx.

Mandarin ducks =)

Snowy something owl. hahx. It's in the world of dark and I can only manage to take one picture which is this cause everything inside is so dark -.- The rest of the owls look frightening instead of cute anyway -.- So din take photos for them. hahx.

The I-don't-know-what-is-it bird again. Hahx. But it look so lonely ritex? Sitting in a old boat by itself. hahx.

Those 2 brown birds look like fake models to me in real lahx. Do you see it? The black vs the brown. hahx!

Actually there are more pictures but I don't have time to upload them tonight. Maybe tml continue part 2? Hahx. I'm a happy alcoholic girl who's going drinking (like finally??) tml! Yeah! Take care!

P.S: I miss you =)

Ciao.

Elated.

2008-09-15T08:31:00.000-07:00

I'm so glad for the call u made today. Brighten up is the correct word to use to describe my thoughts and feelings. I realized I must be strong so as to help you along. I know you are suffering there but hang on dear =) I'll be here supporting you, waiting for you no matter what =) I'll enjoy what I have now and wait till you come out. Love ya =)

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So.. work today was.. ok? Guess the peak period ain't here yet so I'm still slacking around. Hahx. Went site recce with colleague and was treated with gelare's waffle ice cream! Wooo~ Hahx. Today's meeting was a bored for me. Though I'm starting to get an idea what will be and what is going on, still meeting is really a bored for me. Just sitting there listening already is a torture for me. I want a getaway! With you =) To genting to anywhere I don't mind. But.. I guess I might not have the time on hand to get a getaway once you come out =( Let's pray for the best ok? =) Tml's sch and I hope I don't slp in class again. Gotta listen to lecture cause exams are coming~ Hahx. K lahx. Nth much happening. Just blogging so there the someone out there knows what I'm doing everyday =)

P.S: Thanks and love you lots =)

Ciao.

Waiting.

2008-09-14T07:34:00.000-07:00

It's a torture to wait for your call or sms. It seems like a million years before I can get a call from you. I'm still not use, really not use.

When ever a person log in to msn and pops up from my msn, I will always look, thinking you will be online to chat with me. No. Not now.

I think I need more time to get used to it. Cause I think 나는 당신이 가게 하는 것을 품을 수 없다....

Tell me, how can I stop the tears from flowing, swallowing down hoping you would not notice so that you would not worry for me?

I really miss you, and I really do.

Date me out so that I don't think too much ok? =)

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Watched One piece, Gossip girls, WGM today. Washed my hamster cage and realised.. WORMS WERE CRAWLING EVERYWHERE!! OMG!! Guess is the moist environment lately plus the shit and urine they pass out causing all the worms to develop. But, frankly speaking, its really disgusting. Hahx. Am glad I did wash my hamster cage today if not how many more worms will spawn there? Hahx.

Working tml and everyone is busy with Chingay thingy. Hope the work will help me forget about this thing and yea! Lets 加油 together!

P.S: I Love You.

Ciao.

MISSING.

2008-09-13T12:03:00.000-07:00

Everything's changed.

I know I'm being over reacting.

But..

It just feels like everything is changing.

It's true all of them has to go thru this.

It's true its a new phase for us.

I just hope everything stay as it is. Everything just stay.

I always thought, 'why do human changes as they go thru the different phases of life? Can't things just remain the same as it is?'

I wish too.

Friends, relationships, relatives.

Will this change too? Haix.

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So, it's just one day and I can't get my mind away from him. I guess I'm just too use to life with him. He sounds so different in the phone and it just made me think that is he drifting away from me? I hope not cause I don't think I will have any more energy to start everything again. It's just too tiring.

I wish you were here. =)

P.S: Waiting for you =)

Ciao.

Heart my friend.

2008-08-10T07:19:00.000-07:00

Had a nice catching up with Wei thing today after my work. Hell tiring when I'd only slept for 4 hrs and this job seriously requires a lot of physical and mental strength from me. lols. But anyway, still had fun at work. Till now, it's still the best job that I've ever done. Happy =)

So.. Met Wei ting at Bugis and went having lunch. Chat quite long over the lunch and we proceed on to Bugis Street for some retail therapy =) Bought some nice shirts and accessories and we proceed on to have a heart to heart over a cup of ice milk tea. This reminds me of the past where friends like to chat, gossip or whatever over that small, nice ice milk tea with 3 milk please =)

It's always nice to chat with her cause there's always endless topic to chat about. And it allows me to feel the sincerity of wanting to meet up with me for a catch up no matter how busy both of us are =) I really like it this way. Like what she says, I totally agree that friendship needs to be maintain. I always wanted to maintain all my friendships but it's just that somehow, it seems so difficult. So difficult that you can't avoid but to give up, feel disappointment and all. As my job's hour is very irregular, thus difficult for me to meet up with friends. So I really felt good when friends want a meet up no matter how busy they are =)

8 years of friendship and still going strong. Even though there were disputes and all in between, but I don't know why, it just would break us up. The change of poly making us feel that we are drifting apart and yet, we can still chat this much and enjoyed each other's company with every meet up. Don't you think it's a very 奇妙 feeling? hahx. Dear friend, as you know, though I'm always very talkative and all, but towards this kind of feeling that is difficult to say out in words, I would like to tell you I really feel honored and appreciated this friendship given to us. It's like no matter how big a storm is hitting us, it would not break us up. I truly like you as a friend and I hope everything will not change even if it's 10 years later, or even 20 years and more. Thanks for being there everytime I need you and ya.. Thanks =)

And.. as usual, we had endless topics to talk on. Its really endless. Lets meet up more for such catch up ok? =)

To Wendy: School ain't good I would say. It's very different from Poly and I doubt you will like it cause it's seriously very theory-based. hahx. Maybe cause I'm not those theory-based type thus making me rejecting the whole thing more and more. But still, with the money being folk out, I guess I will and a MUST to complete my studies no matter what. hahx. And also, school-ing + working = Stress and more stress, tiredness and more tiredness. hahx. No determination = Game over. hahx. So get yourself prepared next year when you enter uni =) Long time no see. Take care and hope to see ya soon =)

Ciao.

Away.

2008-08-08T07:04:00.000-07:00

So... The bf is away from me for 4 days =(

Hong Kong trip some more =(

Super sad. I guess I'm still not used to life w/o him no matter how hard I try. lols.

Have been taking a lot of half day recently. hahx. I super afraid of September coming, fearing tonnes of work will be pile up for me to do. With tonnes of OT to go thru and all. SCARY =s

Study.. Hmmm.. Not quite gd for me. Ain't enjoying at all. All theory-based which I hate the most. Projects are weird and everything just seem... Wrong.

I miss poly days where I can pon as many lectures and tutorials as I want and chill and slack as many as I want. Now? None at all. Sch, work, play, slp then repeat again. How boring and tiring can life be? And this has to go on for 2 years. How sad.

The bf must be enjoying himself now in HK. I'm so sad! I also want a getaway but no $$. Haix. When can I ever get rich enough to afford myself a small getaway? lols. Like so pathetic like that. Hahx. If only my birthday next yr I could go overseas but its truely, really, impossible cause.. no $$ =( The bf is in army so even more impossible =( But.. there's still chance rites? muahahaha!

Since my gaming khaki is overseas enjoying, thus I'm uber free now to do blogging. No show to watch too which is pretty sad lahx. lols. K lahx. I'll write off here.

Ciao =)

Silence

2008-07-28T06:24:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Blog,

I dunnoe why, I just want to blog to someone. So, let the someone be Mr. Blog then =)

Started school last week and everything is fine. But it seems that the system for Uni is quite different from poly. And when I mean different, its really different. Hahx. Even doing project is so different cause I need to do project virtually and YES, VIRTUALLY =) Will be teaming up with Australia side's students to complete the project which is.. so different.

But, after all, it will be a good experience I guess. Hahx. Half working and half studying is really very tired. DUN ever try it if there's no need for it. Other than lack of sleep and feeling lethargic, my mood isn't good nor is my health good I guess. Hahx. Even after a good weekend slp I still dun feel good. But this job is just so suitable for me and i just dunnoe why. Even though its tiring, even though its not good pay, even though there's politics and more even though, I still like this job. Ok lahx. Stop saying bout jobs and jobs. Hahx. So boring.

I bought myself a new watch and I really like this watch a lot. Hahx. Dunnoe why. After getting myself the first watch using my own money, I realised I fall in love with watches. And now, I really feel like collecting watches. It just makes me feel happy to see these watches lying in my care though the watches I have now doesn't require much care from me lahx. Hahx. So now, my goal is to earn many many money and buy many many watches from all over the world! GOAL! YEA!

I hope to feel more happy now and really.. more happy =)

Ciaos.

You know what is disappointed?

2008-07-15T11:16:00.000-07:00

Wow. It's been a long time since I last blog in this blog. Been very busy for the past few weeks for the annual concert organised by PA. This time rd its a musical drama and it really received a lot of gd comments. The lead actor and actress voice were so gd that I nearly cried. Hahx. But overall, I would say this musical is a nice and successful one =)

Was in the production side during this musical which allows me to know what exactly happens before, during and after the show. It's stressful yet fun cause a lot of uncertainty when you are in the backstage. Like what chinese always say, 台上一分钟，台下十年功. Its really true. the days of rehearsal, sudden change of plans blah blah blah, it can really stressed ones out. But nonetheless, I still enjoyed it till the very end. Hahx!

So, finally I get to rest for a day after working a month none stop. Ya. Working even thou its Saturday and Sunday. The last day of the musical, we had post reception. Was pretty fun cause its like those 庆功宴 that you often see after a performance or whatever. Hahx. The guys' performers are so cute lahx! They bought flowers for ladies and I'm included too! Hahx. But I would say they are still childish lahx. The actions and words doesn't reflect themselves as a JC student. LOL. After the reception, went to Clarke Quay to watch one of the instructor's performance. She's damn sexy and pretty lahx. The belly dance she did.. Free-style yet alluring. LOL. She really has her own charm I would say =)

Met up with the bf after 'forsaking' him for 5 days due to the hectic work. Hahx. Went to the Hokkaido Fair held in Tampines Mall and its not bad. But.. The price.. Hahx. Steep for me lahx >.< on =")">.<) with actress and singers going along with it. If you wanna catch this Youth Chinese Orchestra playing all these 耳熟能响's songs, you can get the tickets from me at just 15 bucks. PAssion Card holders get to enjoy 20% discount and up to 4 tix per card. The tickets are selling very fast (I'm serious =x) so do grab them fast too! =) After working with PA, my perception of them really change lahx. Hahx. They are getting more and more 'modern' lahx. Hahx.

So, after all these things, what will I be doing? YES! I'm going to start my new school life next week at MDIS! Looking forward to it and I'm really aiming for gd grades and all not only for myself, but also for the pride of my whole family. Who says poor families' children are not allowed to study private uni? I will prove that even thou I'm working while I'm studying for my school fees, I would do better for sure than what I did when I'm in Poly. I'm really interested in what I'm going to study now and I want to do it well. And the best part is, the bf is going into army in Sep for 2 yrs which allows me to have more time to allocate time for my studies. I'll be continuing to work in PA till next yr Feb for their Chingay so wish me luck then! Hahx!

Just another short para. I really realised that the past is no longer the past. And taking the initiative doesn't always get back what you want. No matter how many efforts I've put in, it just seems to go into the drain. I've given up and pretty disappointed. The once so gd relationship seems to become.. nth. I can't force or anything but I'm really tired of all these. Empty promises just make it so tiring for everything. I really hope I can just say.. forget it.

Ciao =)

Random

2008-05-24T07:32:00.001-07:00

I've a silly thought. If I'm able to produce a time machine, how great would it be? What's even better about the time machine is that it can never change time.

I.. seems to hate changes which involves human r/s. Remembered I once asked a friend: 'Will we ever lost contact when I leave or even has a bf?' Very firmly, the friend replied 'No.' But. How false can this statement be. Maybe I was the one who change. I don't know.

I began to scare of changes. I hate changes. But.. as time passed by, I realized I became numb to changes. So numb that I began to take it as a routine. How bad can it be?

Really busy with work now. How I wish weekends never go! Hahs. But still, working there is pretty fun for me. I finally graduated from TP on 22 May. I felt great but.. Hidden feelings =) K. I think that's all I wanna blog thou there are more feelings which seems hard to convey.

Ciao =)

Quiet.

2008-05-16T10:37:00.000-07:00

So, here I am, updating myself again. Hahx. These 2 days quite slack cause I finished all the work that was passed to me. I was so bored that I surf the net, played my DS lite, sleep for like 1 hour? Hahx. But my assistant manager's going to turkey for holiday and I'm gonna be tied down with work soon -.- All her works are left with me now and I have to follow up -.- If its paper work then fine.

BUT ITS WITH PHONE CALLS THAT I DREAD THE MOST -.-

Quotation for the performers lahx, RSVP lahx. Tomorrow still need OT ok? Wah. Tedious work siax. But I ish like it a lot =) *Except for phone calls -.-*

Faced with ups and downs recently. Might be PMS that's acting up. Might be I'm getting old? OMG. I don't feel like admitting this -.- Hahx. But overall, I'm glad with what I'm doing and I even hope to continue after August cause I wanna join in the fun for Chingay too! Haix. Hope they like my work performance and decides to continue to hire me! Hahx! *Dreaming*

Hope this updates can help to relieve all of your boredom at work or at home! muahahahaha! I'm getting proud of myself! *evil-smile*

The boyfriend and me during our 3rd year 3rd month celebration =) *Don't hate me =)*

Lastly, with a picture of the boyfriend's cute little 7 month old cousin!

He's frowning that the boyfriend took his picture without asking him to say Cheeze! Cute isn't he? Hahx =)

Ciao! Take care! =)

The undefined happiness

2008-05-11T08:29:00.000-07:00

It's been quite a while since I update my blog. Been busy with work and OTs cause a concert is coming up next Tue. And of cause, busy with PA's annual soundwave's concert. Pretty fun working for this job cause its the first time I anticipate to work after the end of a day's work and even when the day was with OT. Thou I'm still doing cha ba lang jobs. hahx. But I feel happy doing these jobs.

July is getting closer and closer and I'm going to start school in around 2 months time. Time passed so fast and I'm going to attend my graduation ceremony in 2 weeks time. Finally graduated from poly. These 3 years had been a very wonderful time. Know different friends, join different class each sem, I would say I learnt a lot during these 3 years. Thanks to those who tolerate me, made my days and being my soul-mates whenever I needed. Thanks a lot =)

Random thoughts: I still think that love and relationship are unbelievable things in life. When we are young, we look for relationship that are long lasting. And.. really just long lasting. You love me and I love you and everything feels so blissful. You will feel like you are the most fortunate guy/girl at the very point of time and you just want to be with the guy forever and forever no matter how bad he is. It's just the love that you are chasing after.

When you grow up, things changed but you did not realized until you think back. Now, it's not just love that you are chasing after, many other elements like financial status, attitude towards life, the way your partner thinks about life and a lot more. It seems that even if there is love between a girl and a guy, if the other elements doesn't meet one of the two's requirement, no matter how love the two of them is, it's still a no-no. Girls look for secure life for the future. Guys look for what then? I don't know. The more I think the more I feel like going back to the past. Sweet, pure, innocent one. Just a 'I love you' and 'You love me' feeling that is what I was looking for.. If only..

Ciao.

The usual days..

2008-04-25T07:49:00.000-07:00

As usual, work at Guardian Paragon. Bored everyday cause the crowds are getting lesser and lesser. But I'm looking forward to next Friday! My new job at People's Association as an events assistant or rather project assistant =)

Anticipating..

Excited..

Hahx. Rather cool to work there. Will be doing 3 different projects mainly 2 concerts and 1 National Day Dinner Entertainment part. Cool isn't it? Hahx. Will be going back to sch from July 21st. I'm beginning to wonder will I choose the wrong Uni? But still, the degree that I'm taking really interest my a lot. I'm looking forward to leaning the modules, attending the classes and all. But still will it be a bad choice? Every time people ask me which Uni I'm going and whenever I say out MDIS, the weird look on their face just appears out of no where. Really a bad Uni? I too don't know bout that.

Anyone want to comfort me bout that?

Ciao =)

Worried.

2008-04-15T07:15:00.000-07:00

My mum is sick.

Who can help me overcome all these overwhelming problems which I can't solve alone? What a reality god is giving me..

Tell me how..

The cruel reality.

2008-04-08T08:11:00.000-07:00

A moment I'm happy, the next moment I'm sad. Was the decision I made the wrong choice? Why is the someone important to everyone such a person I wish I did not have?

You claim that you ain't rich, you can't fork out more. Fine. We accept it. Unpredicted circumstances happened and you say I cant force her to work much. Fine. I accept it. But where are you when we needed you the most? Why must it be settled by ourselves when we could have 3 person to solve it together? Why are you always so selfish? Why can't you just spare a thought for us? I hate to talk to you. I hate to see you. Most importantly, I HATE YOU!

I wish I did not have a * like you. You are the worst * on earth that I could ever imagine. You don't care about anyone except yourself and you force everything down on us. Do you think it's being fair? I definitely do not think so. Karma will befall and watch out for it. I swear.

はじめまして!

2008-04-06T07:01:00.000-07:00

はじめまして.

わたしはJanetです。

どうぞよろしく。

おやすみ！

いまどうですか？

Hahx. I also don't know what to continue cause this is all I know till now. Learn some vocab in T3 just now and I'll present some of the vocabs I've learn just now! ;)

Number 1-10 (Shidah! Got wrong tell me ar ;]):

１．いち

２．に

３．さん

４．よん

５．ご

６．ろく

７．なな

８．はち

９．きゅ

１０. じゅ

私は幸せなじじょうに

This sentence was meant to be I'm very happy. But I guess there's some part which is wrong. Hahx. But never mind. Learn from our own mistake ma =)

Fruits =)

りんご

おれんじ

ぶどう

ういか

ぱいなっぷる

ぱぱいや

めろん

まんご

らいち

ばなな

Hahx. I guess readers are bored now. I'll stop all these Japanese thing. Anyway, I'm starting work tomorrow. Pressurized, anticipated, more to those cause this job seems to be more than that though the benefits are not bad. Hahx. Lets work hard tomorrow! Graduating on 22nd May =) Looking forward to it.

Ciao!

Nothing much.

2008-04-03T03:23:00.000-07:00

So.. Yesterday was a day I thought was my last day of freedom cause I thought I'll have to start work today onwards. But, it turns out that today was just a product training and I only have to start work on Mon =) The only stupid thing I think of this product training would be that I have to wear formal wear -.- It hurts and is inconvenient for me too -.-

So after that, went to BF house to slack and sleep. Basically is to replenish my sleep lah. Hahx. Going to enjoy my last 3 days so yea.. How boring can my life be? But, I can say, my salary is.. not bad. =) Happy working for me!

Ciao ;)

The day after April fool ;)

2008-04-02T02:57:00.000-07:00

So here I am, with the help of my dear Weiting, I finally had my blog up and nice! Kudo to her! Hahx. It's been so long since I've blog about my life in this unreality world. I had and always wanted to blog about my thought at the very moment, vent my frustration out or even update my friends about my recent life and all. But it's simply plain 'LAZY' to blog about everything everyday. Lets hope I can sustain this blog just like how I did for the blog during my secondary school days ;)

Anyway, went to Recruit Express today to sign my contract with the company I'm working with soon. Finally I've got a job to support my school fees, don't have to worry what to do everyday and $ to spend! Hahx. Was out with Weiting and its been a long long time since we went out together like just the 2 of us? Hahx. I hope this kind of outing will happen more frequently if not our friendship will turn too mouldy >.< Nothing more to update today and to end this post, I was tricked by my very BELOVED BF this morning -.- Reminds me of my Secondary School life -.- Hahx.

Take care and Bye ;)