I think I haven changed. The habit of over thinking.

I think a lot. I think about if bf had other woman outside, we should I do? I kinda face similar situation before so I'm pretty sensitive towards this issues. I know he can't but my over thinking habit just.. yea. I lacked of security too. The lack of meeting all that just leads me to think and think and think. We talked today and I hope I wun react like this again. Really. Most girls might find that having their bfs in army is a good thing cox they can have freedom. But I'm definitely not one of them. To me, its just like having a bf = no bf at all except on weekends. I'm a sticky person I admit. And I dunnoe why, the low self-esteem is getting over me too. I sometimes feel that I'm not worthy of him anymore. My looks, my size, my everything. Just what is happening to me? I wasn't like that in the past was I??

I dunnoe.

People monday blue I ish sunday blue. Some more is super blue. Blue until no motivation to do anything, just lie on bed and do nth. Dun move around also. Wtf is happening to me?? Haix. Is it like what others say, I have fallen too deeply and love him more and more that makes me think that he doesn't love me as much as he did in the past? I'm mad. I hate army. I hate life now. I hate everything. All those what support ar, what happy ar, what not sad are all bullshit. YES. BULLSHIT.

I'm sad every night. I'm ultra sad every Sunday. I'm ultra super sad whenever I think of you. I'm sad again when I think about our future. The tears and all. No one sees it except me. I'm not adapting well at all. I really hate it now. I need your hug so badly that how I wish we can just hug and hold hand the moment I see you. Haix. I've got so much emotions now flowing in me. But.. I dunnoe how to say everything. And it seems like I can't say everything.

I dunnoe.

I'll go back and watch one piece to forget everything.

ILU.

Happy 3 years 10 mths.

Ciao.