Quarreling days hasn't stopped since the start of his army. Every outing, every small conversation, we can end up quarreling. At one point of time, I really felt tired and did not anticipate the next meet up at all. Tired of quarreling, tired of facing the emotionless face, tired of telling you the same old things over and over again. I really felt so.

Sms you to tell you all these and ask you how. I even ask you do you think I can live w/o you and will you be able to live w/o me. Your answer in sms form always pleased me but never was it when we are talking face-in-face. I always wonder, so is your sms the real answer or your face-to-face the real answer as they always differ from each other. I told you your have changed. You know, I even told myself, you were no longer the you that I know.

Even now as I'm typing, I realised I'm scare of our next outing. Will we end up quarreling again? Will we end up unhappy again? Will we end up in the same old question and answer over and over again? This is the first time I felt this way when I'm with you. Throughout these 4 years, even if we quarrel, we patch things up real fast and I still want to see you if possible, everyday. But why is it that I'm feeling this way now? Is this really how I feel? Or am I just thinking too much? I feel that I'm very contradicting. Actually, throughout these 4 years, whenever we met with any problems, I want to tell all my friends. Just like how I did so in secondary school. But it just seem so difficult now. My heart hurts but nobody knows. I've been giving advice to people but who can actually give advice to me? Even so, how much does it help? I don't know. I love yet I hate.

Just like what you said, can we just turn the time and go back to the past? We were a lot more happier then. It's really tired to live life now. All the burdens, all the frustration, no one can actually help except myself. You know, sometimes, my mind/brain just blank out. I can't see anything except white image. I want to escape. I want to run away from all these realities. I don't want to face them at all.

Just let me escape.

Ciao.