I thought the bond was important. I thought there's a term call 'best friend'. I always believe maintaining bonds are important. I always thought I can have something like what happens in a drama.

I thought..

These are just 'I thought's. I hate being 'put pigeon'. I think I'm too nice that everyone is sitting on me now. Just like I tell my friend, I don't lose my temper or show my black faces in front of people cause I don't like embarrassment. It's rude to show temper and create an awkward atmosphere. Therefore, only my bf can ever see my temper and my black face cause there's only 2 person and it is easier to mend the atmosphere and all. So, is this a strength of mine or a weakness I need to overcome?

I fear that once a quarrel starts, nothing can mend it back cause the one special thing in a friendship might be lost. Sometimes, I think too much and I worry too much. Is it good to be like this?

I think I learnt that the person you can trust most at points of time is the one that is closest to you at that point of time.

Boyfriend.

I'm beginning to realise why people tell me they don't agree that the term 'best friend' exist and there is no 'best friend' in this world. One of my friend told me this 'I think friendships need to be maintain and I'm always doing my best and wanting to maintain all the friendships I have'. I thought that was true. But again, it's another 'I thought'. I don't know why, as each of the events failed, I starts to lose more and more trust in what is term as 'best friend'. I think that's what people call, 'I gained and I lost'.

I've got so many thoughts and feelings going through me now. But putting them in words doesn't seem appropriate now. I tried to maintain and I dare to say, I did do my best at it. Which of the events are not organized by me? Who is always there whenever troubles or problems occurred? I tried my best to give up times but what have I gained?

In the past, I value friendship more than anything. I always believe I've got true 'best friends' in the whole wide world and I just need them to be there and I'll always be there for them. But, as the years go by, friends start to disappear but new friends appear too. I value old things. But no matter how I value, time changes everything which I can't stop. This made me began to realised that, friends come and go. So I wonder, should I still put my heart into maintaining it since its always leaving me?

It took me 2 years to open my heart for one group of friends. The phobia from the past creates a barrier for me to think that friends cannot be trusted except for few. But, the few began to drift away too because of time, environment, etc. Finally I opened my heart but realised only 1 was truly there. I envy her for she can show her feelings even though friends are around. I wish I could too. Really. But it seems that I'm being labelled 'Miss Nice' that I can't do it. Habit, personality, characters can't change overnight can it? I like her the other point is she's willing to date me out even though we are both busy. The effort that she made makes me happy =)

To whom it might be - I really like you as friends even though we don't often meet up. Your ability to voice out your feelings no matter its good or bad just made me envy you. I hope everything just remain as it is but.. only time knows.

To my BF - Thanks for tolerating me all these whiles since you entered army and I'm really blessed to be with you. 3 years and 9 mths and we are still counting on. It's not long enough but it's not short too. Although I don't have much relationship in the past, but I know you are still the best even though you had your bad points. I know you love me and I really do. I hope everything will remain the same and our love will not diminish no matter what happen. You know I'm always sticky to you so let me stick to you for the rest of my life ok? =) I love you and yes, I really do =)

Ciao.