I have never believed in 姐弟恋 cause I've been in one before and I know it will never bear any fruits.

I'm starting to wonder how about same age relationship? Guys have to go through 2 years of army and during these 2 years, woman have almost finished their degree and perhaps are already holding on to a job. Now, guys come out, looking for school to complete their degree while women are perhaps struggling with their work. Will they have to start worrying if their guys are behaving well in school since their social network is different now?

I'm beginning to worry. Woman think of marriage much earlier than man. Woman has a lot of concerns but not man. The thought of all these are scary. In fact horrible. Can love be the only thing when 2 person are together? Can love survive everything? The current me don't think so. Love cannot last long. Perhaps for some couples, they can still be loving doving after 4,5 years of relationship but mine is no longer like that. We are like old couples except that we are not living together only. AHHHHHHHH!!! The thought that I'm older than him just scares me.

It has always been a thought that I don't like.
I hate people saying I'm like his elder sister.
I hate looking older than him.
I hate having more matured thoughts than him.
I hate it when I have to step into the working society earlier than him.
I hate the thought of seeing him in school again.

But, ultimately, I hate myself more because I have no confidence for this kind of relationship.

I hate being old. Even though I'm just 21, I still hate it a lot.
I hate people saying I'm much older.
I really hate the word OLD.

I... don't know what to say anymore. 4 years plus and I'm still having these thoughts. What kind of relationship have I been into all along?